Arsenic Life

December 4, 2010 at 6:38 am (Uncategorized)

Alright, let’s get one thing straight: This discovery is the most significant discovery in the past decade.  This blew me away when I read it, and I’m about ready to shoot some guns up in the air and dance around like some stereotypical “Yosemite Sam” character at the possibilities this holds for us.  But, friends, I think we might be looking at this discovery in the wrong light… Let me elaborate.

The buzz on the street is that we can use this new-found bacterium to eat all of our arsenic and toxic waste and whatnot.  That would rid us of a big problem!  Toxic waste is an awful thing, it kills our ecosystems.  You know what is worse, though?  Dead Toxic Bacteria polluting our ecosystems.  That’s right.  What are we going to do when these bacteria run out of things to feed on?  When things don’t eat they die.  When things die they’re usually eaten by opportunistic creatures of the wild.  Some might call them vultures.  So when these vultures go to feed on the heaping piles of arsenic bacteria, well they’ll just die won’t they?

Let’s look at another scenario, one I like to call the “Evolution” scenario.  Did you see that movie?  You know how that meteor brought those little bacteria with it and they started to rapidly evolve?  Didn’t they have a “slightly” different biological makeup than we do, making silicon or whatever the element was toxic to them?  I don’t know what I might be insinuating here, but it sure as hell has something to do with the following images:


And when that happens, there’s really only one thing that’ll save our world from certain destruction.

Now, there’s a third scenario and it’s equally unpretty. These bacteria are unique. And we don’t want them to die. So how do we keep them alive once their food supply runs out? We need to keep making more and more toxic waste. This could very well lead to another industrial revolution, and we all remember what came after that, right?

Something about a “Great Depression?”

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